My s***s f*****d up

So far, the only thing that is growing successfully in my very beautiful but impractical crop-circle garden are the weeds. They're growing magnificently.

The amaranth is taller than I am, and would willingly crowd out any of the plants if I let it.

The purslane is fat, juicy tart and makes for lots of salads.

Not a single lettuce or parsley seed sprouted roots but every single arugula seed that I accidentally dropped has sprouted. The leaves are too bitter from the heat, but I eat it out of spite and pretend to like it.

A two year old volunteer potato sprouted again, just barely making it into the raised bed design.

The wild mint patch at the center of it all threatens to overtake the paths circling it. I put down about 5 inches of wood shavings, but those pernicious babies shoot right up through it.

At least every time I weed, I eat as I go, eating a whole wild edible salad and enough mint for a cup of tea to show for it.

The garden is designed with a surrounding bed that is fully wild plants and a few planted flowers. If there is an empty space in the beds, any wild plants are let to grow with the exception of grass. Every time my mother-in-law walks through she asks me why I left all the sow thistle. She thinks they're ugly, and doesn't see the point. What she doesn't see though is the family of Bee-Eating Beetles that made these plants their home this summer. Eating their way down the stalks, starting from the tender tips, falling asleep mid-munch with a little string of poo hanging from their bottoms. Really quite cute, and I'm glad they stuck only to the thistles. (Trichodes apiarius-possibly mis-identified, as there are several species with incredibly similar markings in the same genus). She doesn't notice wide-variety of bees and butterflies feeding among the mint that's gone to flower, or the jewel-like ruby red shield bugs that hide in the onion that's gone to seed and in the one dill plant that immediately went to seed with giant Dr. Seuss bright yellow round blooms. There's got to be at least four different types of crab spiders living in the weeds. I'm constantly surprised by their colorful mesmerizing designs on their abdomens. And the compost pile? Walk within about two feet and hear a quick shuffling and scurrying about. At first I thought something large had moved in while we were gone for a week. Turns out a large colony of crickets have made this dump heap their home. Once you settle down and they grow accustomed to your presence they begin to chirp, sing and go back to business. Makes the lack of produce worthwhile.

I made a fairly large intentional mistake before I planted this year. I planted right into cow manure, still composting... Textbook says to wait at least 6 months before planting, but when we came in April we were already several months behind the growing season here, and I didn't want to waste any more time or simply plant right into the rock hard "soil" that I had cleared. Two summers ago, my in-laws had the garden plot plowed. I had protested against this, after all the no-til books I had read religiously preached against this. But after double digging on bed that year and spending about 3 days on a row less than 6 feet, I relinquished and let the plowing happen. Since the land had been compressed so badly during construction I didn't have much of a choice but to comply or lose my hands and back to blisters and carpel tunnel. Upon arriving back after the plowed soil had settled, the land had grown up so lushly with a plethora of wild plants. I left all the roots as I pulled each plant, with the exception of the grasses, in an attempt to build back some of the organic matter into the new top soil. As I pulled, also left the debris right in the beds to decompose under the soil I added on top. A generous sprinkle of all purpose pelleted fertilizer followed by wheelbarrows of the cow manure, and then more dried weeds and hay to seal it all in. I know this is way too much nitrogen for the plants, and MAN are they green. Almost every leaf has Leaf Miner damage, which I'm pretty sure was carried in with the manure. We got a truckload delivered to us by one of the neighbors, which I'm super grateful for-but incidentally inherited any of the flora and fauna, harmful and helpful from their farm. At first I faithfully squished them all in their path, apologizing to both plant and miner as I went, but once I saw the extent to which they reached, I let bygones be. Not sure how I'll be able to combat them next year, but that's for Future-Courtney to decide.

But the tomatoes. Oh the tomatoes. They came as spindly soda bottle-windowsill seedlings from family in Istanbul. The head-start for which I was extremely grateful for, as my non-plastic seed-starting soil balls were a flop, and I planted 13. So far only one is a cherry tomato, and the rest are a solid mix of Roma and Slicing types. I planted them just as we did at HFF, with a HEAPING helping of fertilizer, deep down and watered in. They looked positively sublime for the first couple weeks, deep green in color and growing vigorously and setting flowers. I tied them gently back and thanked them, and then their leaves started to curl. First the ones that got the most sun and then the ones that got a little more shade. I didn't want to overwater, so I erred on the side of less, about every three days or once the soil was dry. But I'm still used to farming in Maine where a hot day is 80's and forget that Mugla gets blistering hot and absolutely not a drop of precipitation in the summer. In an attempt not to overwater them I think I ended up slowly drying them up, and then overcorrected with too much water, too often. Sigh. I added a shade cloth, but again too little too late, the damage is already done. Out of the 13 plants, about 5 give fruit regularly. Some still haven't grown and remained in their sweet stunted phase, and of the regular fruiters only two give "normal" ripe fruit. One cherry, and one slicer. Two of the Romas have perpetual bottom rot, which I read will eventually self-correct if the water schedule is correctly adjusted, but hasn't yet. Two others produce a super-fat cherry fruit with a whimsical cracking that spirals all around. The rest that do produce, fail to ripen no matter how long I leave them on the vine. The tops are hard yellow-green, and remain so even after a week on the counter inside.

A handful of the squash and melon seeds successfully germinated. To my surprise about 4 rotund but malformed watermelons popped up here and there, but the other squash plants flower then drop their blossoms. I think I've ticked off everything that can go wrong for these babies, too much water, excess nitrogen in the fertilizer, and dry/windy weather combined with high temperatures. Fantastic. However, their leaves are giant, sturdy and elegant, their vines happily sprawl and weave around the curved beds. Honestly I'm just happy to see all the green.

Summing up, a few notes to my future self. Don't plant tomatoes in front of the corn plants, and for the love of God, only one corn plant per hole. Do yourself a favor and build a couple arches for the tomatoes and cucurbits behind the shade of the olive trees. You'll be able to accommodate their indeterminate nature and harvest a little easier. Consider planting other vining plants in with the olive orchard so they can roam freely-they take up too much space growing vertically. Anything leafy MUST be grown in the shade. Consider planting lettuce alongside the tomatoes and cucurbits where they will be shaded twofold from the olives as well. The beans and peas need better support in the form of a mesh wire (maybe chicken) on a frame with smaller increments for climbing. Peppers? Don't plant spicy next to sweet, and give them room. Why would you plant all 30 peppers in one bed? You had an empty garden and you crammed 3 rows of mystery peppers all together. Genius. The hay layer over the soil, actually works super well. This really locks the moisture in, which is essential in this heat and drought. and you must...MUST figure out a seed starting method. The soil balls almost worked, but the moisture levels and soil mix was all wrong. I understand you don't want to use plastic, but now you've got to get smart and creative and stop getting beaten-down by your failures. Transplanting seedlings into giant soil balls (Hall Avocado size/shape) actually did work well, but the mixture was too hard for seeds to take root. Watering from the bottom in trays also worked fine, as the moisture naturally wicks up but you didn't keep the water level up and the first watering from the top displaced all the tiny seeds you planted. Don't plant any more seeds that you expect might not grow. You've now got a couple giant Castor Beans that are in less than-ideal locations. Apparently dried castor beans, even four years later will grow swimmingly if they're given regular water. And please, once you figure out seed starting, succession plant. You don't need 20 cucumbers a day. One cucumber plant is more than enough for both houses. On the topic of cukes, just grow the Armenian cukes, Acur in Turkish, they're so sweet and super drought tolerant.

All-in all, not a total failure, and hopefully by next year you'll have figured out the right amount to water.